December 18
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18
When our Dad passed away on a sunny day in August, after five years of grieving for my Mother, my siblings and I sat around the kitchen table in our grief, talking openly about feeling like “orphans.” No longer did we have a parent to turn to; someone to offer us unconditional love, encouragement, support, take joy in our families and on and on. The day of my Dad’s funeral, my brother put his arm around me and in his typical “older brother,” protective way, assured me he would always be there for me. But, on a beautiful spring morning, a short while later, Bob also left this earth. Then before I could blink it seemed, on another sultry August day, my older sister, Diane joined them. It was only then, that I began to really feel orphaned. I missed them all terribly! I missed having a family member I could laugh and cry with about childhood events that shaped our lives and memories that were shared only with my older siblings. That special love that tied me with them was broken I felt. There was no one to ask family history about - questions about particular people long gone before us, that only they would remember and occasions that only we had experienced. Much younger siblings had not lived through these times with us. Although we have been together most of my life, my husband could not fill the void no matter how hard he tried.
As the days passed, and the memories of each of them swelled my heart, I began to appreciate how close we all still were, that indeed the love that bound us remains. Memories of the last kiss from my Mother and how she left me her love of cooking and house plants; from my sister, her deep affection for animals and angels and how the scent of blueberry muffins brings her right to me; my Dad’s faith and ever optimistic attitude and his love of all God’s creation; and the sense of humor and feeling of confidence my brother always filled me with; all are with me.
Through the blessing of having my own family – a faith-filled, loving husband, children and grandchildren; the love and caring of extended family and faithful friends, and a deep faith, I continue to be filled beyond measure and my grief slowly lessens. Feelings of abandonment have been replaced with the joy of knowing in my soul that we are all part of a bigger family - God’s family. We are never alone. He is with us always and tells us that! When we allow ourselves to look about in gratitude, we see, we feel, we touch and taste – all the goodness – every thing past and present, even yet to come, that makes us who we are. He comes to each of us individually, knows our needs and loves us as members of His family.
Our lives change; our families change. People come and go in it. We lose loved ones; then we are gifted with sons-in-law and daughters-in-law and new babies; new friends or neighbors. But no matter what changes, no matter how much grief we may face or how alone we may feel, no matter what our circumstances - never - will we be orphaned by our God. He comes to us in each and every person and event.
Come Holy Ghost, creator blessed! And in our hearts take up thy rest!
Copyright© 2013 Kathleen A. Matson